July 28, 2018

When it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month or even your year. Noted.

Guess who missed writing?!

Guess who’s husband is out of town and tried recording herself but found out it wasn’t recording after she did an epic take? Guess who also recorded a second time because she wouldn’t let a stupid camera take her out of the game? And guess who recorded her second, third, and fourth take out of focus?

My hand cannot raise any higher. I’m like that kid in the back of P.E. class who isn’t getting picked for red-rover and is trying so hard to get noticed by holding her arm up with the help of the other one.

That’s right, red rover, red rover, send Kayli on over.

Also, if the Friends theme song hasn’t been on repeat since you read the title, then it will be now. This week is all about, you guessed it, Friends.

Friendship actually. These past couple years I have noticed a few common themes…and they all revolve around healthy friendships.  Or the lack of them, rather. I have heard so many times recently how hard it is to have, keep or start friendships.

This hits home because every single thing I am going to write in this, I have personally experienced. So please don’t feel like I am pointing the finger at you, but if you DO feel that way, ask yourself why.

Speaking of that, the reason I have felt so pressured to write this is because I have asked myself why I feel the way I do about the relationships surrounding me, whether now, or in the past. Self-realization is a terrifying, yet liberating practice. It makes you take a good, hard look at the person you are and allows you to address the crap that shouldn’t be there, or the stuff that, simply, needs some work.

The Bible even talks about this because God knows we need it,

” Search me, God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting.”

Let’s talk about why we have such a tough time having or maintaining friendships. AND how we can combat these with some pretty obvious solutions.

  • Let’s start with the obvious social media issue, just so we can address it and drop it because if you’re like me, you’re sick of all the “oh my, what social media is doing to this world” talk. Yes, you get to see what all of your “friends”…followers…are up to and so you feel subconsciously closer to these people. Unfortunately, it stops at a “like” and a comment or posting a picture of (mainly) you and them for their birthday. Then, God forbid, you start noticing less “likes” from people who you thought were friends and then the downward spiral begins, but the only person to blame is A-hole Algorithm.

 Solution: Reach out to them when they post something of importance. Let them know you care by sending a text, or        writing a card or visiting them. Chances are, they are posting it because they want attention…aka “love.” 

  • I am Queen Homebody lately, but the more time I spend at home, the more I feel a significant lack of friends. There is nothing wrong getting some time to yourself, but when you start calling out to Joey or Chandler, put the Netflix down and step away from the TV. If you work from home, like my husband and I do most of the time, we can put work ahead of social outings thus making our friends feel insignificant and less likely to invite us to more things if we keep saying no.

Solution: Time management. Put aside downtime to watch Friends or play Fortnite, but also put aside time to spend with your friends. Say ‘yes’ to those invitations more than you may think you need to. What I have realized is that being inside working on the same thing breeds just that, the same thing. But when I am outside having conversations, experiencing new places and having a laugh it always sparks new creativity. 

  • These are questions that I have had to ask myself over and over. Am I a good friend?  Am I a joy to be around? I think it is so important to reflect on these questions fairly often. If you notice a lack of solid friends around you, the common denominator is (drumroll) you! Ouch, huh? Again, I only say this because I have been there. I used to be painfully sarcastic. I still am, but I try not to direct it at any one person…for too long. Haha. I am extremely opinionated and my friends knew that and it became a quality that I wasn’t crazy about so I would ask myself why its so important that what I have to say is the absolute and final answer to anything. Easy answer, it’s not.

Solution: I have learned to open my mind and ask questions to bring value to what everyone has to say. It’s great hearing other friends’ insight anyway; it challenges your beliefs in a healthy way. The solution, though, really is to ask yourself those questions, “Am I a good friend?” and ” Am I a joy to be around?” I used to be so negative, and it was so draining to everyone that was around me. Sorry, friends!! Thankfully, I had great friends who let me know that I haven’t been fun to be around because all I did was complain about anything and everything. Have you been around those people? It’s exhausting! I am NOT saying don’t talk to your friends about your issues, but there is a productive way to do it. I try to give my friends a few minutes to complain and then help figure out a game plan. You can’t stay in that place! You shouldn’t want to, and if you do, then stay at home and talk to Joey and Chandler about it.

  • Last, but certainly not least…especially because it’s the one people talk about the MOST A lot of people say they don’t have friends or can’t keep them because they aren’t invited places. They get so upset when they aren’t part of the group hang outs that are seen all over the inter-web. I say this, AGAIN, because I can’t even begin to count the times I have felt this way. It is so easy to wallow in your own self-pity when you don’t take any of the blame for letting your relationships fall to ruin.

Solution: Be the friend who asks to hang out!!!! There is one commonality in all hang outs…someone asked someone else to get together. You’re complaining about not having any friends, but never ask anyone to hang out…do you see the disconnect? My guess is if you’re at home and upset that no one is inviting you to hang out that there is another someone who is upset that no one is asking them to hang out.

 

If you want a friend, be a friend.

Noted.

 

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