January 14, 2019

2018. What even was that?

‘Twas the night before 2019, and all through the earth, social networks were buzzing with posts to gain “worth.” Only the great moments were posted with care, in hopes that at least one-hundred likes would be there.

The people were coming up with creative hashtags, craving those re-posts that would lead to meaningless brags. Gunner in his Santa beard and I in my “only wear this for the gram” sweater, had taken a thousand photos because “the last ones are better.”

When out in real life there arouse such a sadness, because when did likes dictate fulfillment? That’s madness. Away to my computer I flew like a flash, checked my Pinterest, then started to type this balderdash.

The moon on the breast of the new fallen year, gives us all a fresh start, even you, dear. When, what to our wondering eyes could appear, joy in the truth and living each moment through the end of the year.

You can find true happiness, so lively and quick. And no, it doesn’t come from posting your best pic. Live your life fully, and adjust your aim, because influencing is great, when you aren’t in it for fame.

Now, children, now youth, now young and old, on husband, on wife, on meek and the bold. Don’t lose your life on something fleeting, find it by what gets your heart quickly beating.

Thank you, Clement Clarke Moore for the inspiration, and one of my favorite books “Twas the Night Before Christmas.”

 

I felt inspired to write this tonight, and not because of anything in particular I had seen, but because of my 2018. Whoa. The rhymes keep coming!

To say that 2018 was pretty uneventful would be an understatement. The first half of the year was filled with exciting things, sure, but once June hit, “what even was that?” started. AND I even turned 30. Do you know that my entire life, I was waiting to be 30. I couldn’t wait. I always thought, every 30 year-old I’ve seen (in the movies) knew exactly what they were doing with their lives and were doing it well!

In July, I turned 30 and had a rad birthday celebration, and thank God, too, because that was like my send off for the rest of the year. I have never been more unmotivated in my life. I don’t say this lightly either.

I would justify my nothingness with, “ya, but I work really hard around the house.” And I do! BUT I know there is more in me. Even though 2018 was pretty much a wash, I posted away as if life were this hunky-dory, great festival of lights or something.

Michael and I actually went through some extremely tough times this past year but no one really knew about it, because tough stuff isn’t attractive, that’s not “likable.” How sad.

Huh. Tears. Didn’t expect this. Here we go. Michael and I were so excited to get our family started last year, and we always said “The first time we try, we’ll get pregnant.”

And we did.

And then we lost it.

We are so fortunate to have been pregnant for even just a short while. I know some people are praying and begging for the opportunity to carry a child, so I do NOT take this lightly. I thanked God and continue to trust His timing.

What is so beautiful though, is that it has opened my heart even more to the families that desire a baby. I commit to praying, for everyone I know who struggles, daily that their miracle will come to pass! Every time I feel the urge to pray for our future family, I always pray for others first. I trust God, I trust His timing, and I trust our faith will not go unanswered.

There is such a beauty in vulnerability. It allows friends to help you break down your walls, it takes a pressure off your back for you to remain this “perfect image” that could seem unattainable to those who want to get close. Do yourself a favor, let people in. You are strong. I know this. But you are STRONGER with others. Let others pray with you, grieve with you, believe with you or have faith FOR you when you don’t have it for yourself.

You wonder why the world is so over-populated? God is giving you more people to talk to because you won’t talk to the ones who are RIGHT BESIDE YOU!

Love you all so much! Thanks for stopping by.

 

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